The clock is ticking.
Some months ago I couldn’t envision myself this far down the road, at least not without heavy sedation. I didn’t think I was emotionally or mentally capable to get this far. But here we are 7 months down the road, without medication or some sort of major intervention other than the sheer Grace of God.
I have seen so many doctors, clinics and hospitals that I look back on the days when I didn’t need medical attention of any sort with great fondness. The last few weeks have been whirlwind of meetings with specialists and NICU tours in preparation for the baby’s birth. We have been fortunate for the most part to be surrounded by empathetic medical professionals who have been honest in telling us what they do and do not know. They tell us how we will only know more when the baby is born and how we must be prepared to ‘make some decisions’ as soon as that happens. The OB team hovers around making sure that the pregnancy is progressing well and monitoring me carefully, I’ve been going in twice a month since this all started and I suspect that will be the case till the end.
The fact that I have the energy to pray for my doctors and all my caregivers is a testimony that God heals. I still wake up at night anxious and wondering, I still have days when I can barely muster a smile and my heart is heavy. But now I have days when I do smile, laugh and sing, and can pray for wisdom for all involved in our care. Over the years I have learnt that science, medicine in particular, is not black and white as we would like it to be, there are so many shades of grey , and so now we pray that when our physicians see those grey areas approaching God gives them the wisdom and judgment to make the best decisions.
The clock is ticking…and God is working.
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